Relationships are pretty much what being a part of a team is all about. Your relationship as coach to the team as a whole, your relationship with each individual and the relationships of teammates to one another are elements that will be crucial in your ability to really lead a team.

- COACH TO TEAM -

Winning is a reward that you get for bringing out the best in yourself and each other. It is not all that you think about, because thinking about winning isn't enough to achieve it.

As coach, your relationship with a team can immediately be defined by the rules that you make. If they follow the three simple rules you have given them, they respect you. If they respect you, there is a solid foundation. If you let them or make them laugh from time to time, they will love you. If they learn something from you and know you care about them, they will always play with heart.

It sounds corny, I know, but if your team knows itself ("what are we trying to do?"), and plays with heart, you can never lose. Heart is perhaps the greatest characteristic a team can have. Easy to spot and hard to define, it can make the difference in a game where all other things appear to be equal. No matter the score, it never will feel bad when you can say, "We played with a lot of heart today.”

- COACH TO INDIVIDUAL -

A coach's relationship with each individual needs to be defined as quickly as possible as well. Do a small evaluation of each player over the first several practices. Try not just to fall in love with the players you most like to watch (the better players). Look for a tidbit to give to a player who may not look like he can help the team now, but later, when Mr. Wonderful who scores all our goals sprains an ankle, the other player will be able to help your team take up the slack, because a month ago you asked him to work on a roll or split dodge that you showed him. When you get a player to focus on improvement, it will always be a good thing for your team. Reward his improvement by giving him opportunities.

By showing that you are interested in his journey, a player will know that his individual efforts are worth something. Players always want to know what they should work on. If you wait until they do something well enough to impress you, you won't be having the same kind of effect. Anyone can notice a player's growth, but a real coach plants the seeds for it.

- PLAYER TO PLAYER -

Being part of a team doesn't mean anything unless there is some kind of bond between players. You can win every game and drive players to near perfection, but ultimately liking to be together on a daily basis is where they really learn how to work and play together, things they can take with them for the rest of their lives.

The more they like each other, the more they trust each other, and the more they will achieve as a group. Never underestimate the power of bonding. Let's face it, lacrosse teams are not about the same thing as big money sports. An NBA basketball team can have infighting and still win a championship, but a lacrosse team that does not like its coach or its captain is a ship that will eventually sink.

When players start spending time together other places besides the field, you know that, if there is a little bit of talent mixed in there somewhere, there is a great chance to have a special kind of team. You, as coach should do as much as you can to encourage this kind of camaraderie.

If you coach young kids, the relationships that you develop with the parents will have much to do with your success. On the field and off, the brotherhood part of Lacrosse is the thing.

- OTHER RELATIONSHIPS -

If you have the luxury of an assistant coach, this relationship is extremely important as well. It is important to have someone who believes in the concepts that you believe in. It is also important that the head coach display enough leadership to help the assistant define his role. Give assistant coaches projects. Do not just send them off with the players you don't have time for. Let them work where he is most comfortable. Let them help you define his role. You might even learn something from your assistants. I know I have.

Captains are liaisons between the team and the coach. Every team needs on-field leadership, someone who can express himself, and a player the other players respect as a person and a player. These things, perhaps everyone knows. What I like in a captain is good work habits. The other things seem to fall in to place when you have someone who is the first one out and the last one to go home.

Encourage captains to give you input about things the team is thinking or feeling. Having your "finger on the pulse" of your team is very empowering.

If you have a player who is so good that you don't feel you have anything to teach him, you must coach him and not just leave him to his own progress. Sell him on the concept of how great players are the ones who bring out the best in their teammates. If he scores all the time, inspire him to get assists. If he wins every face off, ask him to learn another move, one he can use if and when he matches up against someone who can handle his A move. If he has a good check, encourage him to teach it to another player.

Make it fun for them to come to practice. If they want to keep playing when you blow the last whistle at practice, then they will want to come to the next practice, something I have always considered crucial for success. For it to be fun for them, doesn't it need to be fun for you, too, coach?